How Well Do You Listen? Three Ways To Tune In More Effectively

Listen to learn, learn to listen. - 12 Step Slogan. Listening accounts for 40% of your communication time. It’s also the way that you tune into and stay connected with others. How important is it for you to be a good listener? How important is it that you be able to take in information and stay attuned? It is essential.

Good listening is powerful – an act of caring. Speaking freely with someone who you know is listening can be transforming. It helps you tap into your intuition and access an inner ‘knowing’ that might otherwise be unreachable. In 1998, during a professional transition, I consulted with a coach for the first time. The greatest gift that he gave me was his caring attention. He listened and helped me tune into myself. I clarified what I wanted, developed an action plan, and moved forward at an accelerated pace. Because my coach listened and helped me recognize my deepest wishes, I chose an excellent career path and never looked back.

Good listening isn’t easy. Most of us get little, if any, instruction in this area. It is assumed (erroneously) that because we can hear, we can also listen, and therefore we need no further training. We may carry poor listening skills into adult life, unaware of our shortcoming. This can take its toll in our professional and personal lives.

Are you a skillful listener, or do you have poor listening habits such as…
- Interrupting the speaker.
- Not looking at the speaker.
- Rushing the speaker.
- Topping the speaker’s story with “That reminds me…” or “That’s nothing, let me tell you about…”
- Getting ahead of the speaker and finishing her/his thoughts.

Even if you answer yes to just one of these, your listening skills will benefit from some first aid. Here are 3 ways to tune in to others more effectively:

Choose to improve – Awareness is the beginning of change. Once you’ve become aware that your listening habits could use some tweaking, make the decision to take action. Practice listening as you do with any other skill that you want to improve. When you notice that your attention is drifting or you’re interrupting the speaker, forgive yourself for slipping, and refocus.

Look like you’re listening -- Show your partner that you’re genuinely interested in what s/he has to say. Use frequent eye contact. Lean slightly toward the person talking. Show with nods that you’re following what s/he is talking about.

Sounds like you’re listening -- Use prompting phrases to keep yourself engaged and show your partner that you’re actively tuned in. These can include: Hmmm…, Oh?, Go ahead… Tell me more… Provide verbal summaries as your partner speaks. You can do this by repeating back what you heard them say: “What I hear you saying is….”, “Is that right?”, “As I understand you, you…”, “It sounds like…”.

Becoming a better listener is an act of caring. It can help you get closer to family members, negotiate an agreement, or provide better customer service. To get started, try one of the strategies suggested above. What are you willing to do today to improve your listening skills?

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. – Ralph Nichols

Millie Calesky is a business and life coach who inspires and guides professionals, entrepreneurs, and small business owners to reach for and achieve what they want most. As an inspirational speaker and trainer, Millie addresses audiences on topics related to professional development and self-motivation. She offers free introductory coaching consultations and can be reached by calling 413-655-2555 or through her website http://www.MillieCalesky.com